Like We Need This Dysfunction
by ElvenArcher309
Summary: Cid was irate. "Strife, didn’t your mamma ever teach you about sleeping with your teachers? For fuck’s sake." SephXCloud and other Yaoi and Yuri pairings
1. Chapter 1

_ANOTHER FRIGGIN STORY!! GAH!! It's just a part of my Mega-Update. Ahem, so yeah, I like to add on to my already huge load and give myself more stress. So, another attempt at a high school fic. The rating is a secure M for language (coughCIDcough) and mature-ness. This time, I'm playing with just the Final Fantasy VII characters that I DO NOT OWN btw, just these mental manifestations._

_**Cloud**: Gaia help us_

_**Zack**: _*waving cheerily at the authoress*_ It s been awhile! _

_**Angeal**: Don't encourage the fangirl, Puppy.  
**Vincent**: Why are we here?  
**Me**: Cause I love you guys andIneedyoutohidemefromSephiroth.  
**Cloud**: What did you do now?  
**Me**: Eh heh... _

_----------------------------------------------_

**Like We Need This Dysfunction Chapter 1 - Late Again, Strife**

Cid was irate. His eye twitched as he lit up a smoke and surveyed the people strewn about his living room. A grumpy Angeal Hewley was slouched in the recliner with a less bouncy Zack Fair, perched on the armrest. The ottoman for the recliner was taken by a, surprisingly quiet but fidgeting, Yuffie Kisuragi who was seated cross-legged on top. Next to Cid on the couch was Vincent Valentine, who was kneading his temple in an attempt to keep a headache at bay, and Tifa Lockhart and Aerith Cleary. Both teenage girls sat in nervous stillness. The loveseat held two more teenagers, a visibly uncomfortable Cloud Strife and an extremely bored Reno Saunders.

"Yo, Mr. Highwind? Can I leave?" Cid glared at the redhead who had spoken. Reno's legs were where his back should have been, as he dangled upside down off the seat.

"Reno, shut up." Snapped Cloud, "If I have to stay, so do you. Can we get to it already, Mr. Highwind, I don't think my mom would like me being in your house-"

**_"Godamnit all!"_** Cid cut him off. _"Gimme a break for fuck's sake, people_, lemme get this shit straight: Reno, you're a whore-"

"Yeah yeah, I know, but can I leave-"

"_NO_! Zack, you moved in with your parents' best friend and you're letting him fuck you-"

"D'ya gotta say it like _that_?"

"-Angeal, your fucking a former student who lives with you-"

"Cid, Zack's eighteen, a consenting adult-"

"-what_ever_, Sephiroth likes 'em young and blonde-"

"Hey! That's not fair, he's not here to defend himself-"

"_-Shut it Strife_, you have an unhealthy obsession with said teacher who is _eight years_ your senior-"

"..."

"That's what I thought, Strife, didn't your mamma _ever _teach you about sleeping with your teachers? For fuck's sake. And Reno, you slept with the kooky librarian-"

"Yo! I ain't complainin about Genesis'-"

"-Tifa, you and Aerith were suspended for inappropriate conduct in the girls locker room... with each other-"

"..."

"-Reno, _again_, you're a fuckin' _whore_, you slept with your damn Geometry teacher too-"

_"So?"_

"-Yuffie, you hotwired the fuckin' _principal's_ car-"

"I had to! The keys weren't in the ignition and-"

"-Vince, you and I got fired for screwing in my classroom-"

"_Please _don't remind me-"

"-And finally, **_RENO! YOU'VE SLEPT WITH PRACTICALLY EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE FUCKING SCHOOL EXCEPT THOSE OF US IN THIS ROOM!"_**

"You're exaggerating just a bit, Mr. Highwind." Reno replied simply. Vincent wearily rested his forehead in his palm.

"I need a shrink."

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**Nine months earlier**

-------------------------------------

"It's just a jump to the left-"

"Yeah yeah, shut up." A pale hand extended from beneath the comforter to grope around the bedside table.

"AND THEN A STEP TO THE RIIIIIIIIIIGHT-

"SHUT UP_. I know!" _The hand finally closed on the desired object and then it, and the cell phone in it's grasp, retreated into the pile of blankets. The person under the covers lethargically shut off the alarm with a muttered, _"Fuckin finally"_, and just laid there until-

"CLOUD! Get your butt down here! I know you're up!" Yelled the female voice from down the stairs.

"Ugh, _whyyyyy_?!" The teen whined from under the pile of blankets.

"I don't want anymore phone calls from the office about you being tardy!"

_'Ugh'._

**_"NOW, CLOUD PATRICK STRIFE!"_**

"_FINE!_ _Cheese and crackers_, woman, cheese and friggin crackers." Cloud Patrick Strife frowned the entire morning. He frowned as he untangled himself from the pile of blankets, he frowned as he washed up and dressed in his usual denim jeans and band logo shirt under a hoodie, he frowned as he and his doodled-on messenger bag slumped down the stairs, and he frowned at the scrambled eggs that met him in the kitchen.

"Cloud, honey, your face is gonna freeze like that one of these days." His mom observed as she poked his forehead with the clean end of the serving spoon for the eggs.

"Whatever, Ma." The frown vanished instantly as he saw his mother's beaming face.

"Thanks for the breakfast." He returned her smile before starting on his eggs.

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"I'd better not get a phone call!"

"You won't! See you after practice, Ma!" Cloud called out the door as he started for the high school. After about three blocks, an old, purple Toyota Camry with it's windows down, pulled alongside the sidewalk and Cloud rolled his eyes.

" _'Ya know,'_ I pondered aloud as I pulled in close to the curb, _'I could give this poor soul a ride-'_ "

"Zack, don't be an ass. Stop the car."

" _'Or I could just keep on drivin'_, I suggested after the emo kid insulted me." With a broad grin, the Camry's driver, Zack, braked to a stop and Cloud climbed into the passenger seat. Even though the older boy had graduated the year before, Zack had promised to still make time for his younger friends. Driving Cloud to school was one example.

"How many times a day do I have to tell you, I'm _not _an emo, you idiot."

"Well then, _mornin' My Lovely Lil Cloudy Cloud! How do ya do this fine da-"_

"_DUDE_. Cheese 'n crackers, dude, just drive. _Please_. If I'm late again, Mom'll murder me in my sleep."

"Then I better make this quick." Zack replied as he flipped a U-turn and headed in the direction opposite the school.

"Zack? What the hell are you doing?"

"We gotta pick up Reno."

"Ugh, why?" Zack laughed at Cloud's dislike for the redhead.

"Aw c'mon, he ain't _that _bad. Besides, I promised his poor mother I would drive him to school to make sure he got there and didn't ditch. She'd take him herself, but her work shift starts too early in the morning."

"Hm."

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At his house, said teen currently had other things on mind rather than school. At the moment, he was backed into a corner of his room upstairs breathing heavily as hands touched him in all the right places. As soon as his mother had left that morning, Reno had opened his bedroom window to admit today's partner. He let out a hiss as the other male bit down on the juncture between his neck and shoulder and a hand made its way down his pants. His partner grinned as Reno followed with a moan as the other hand pulled out his hair tie and knotted itself in the red strands. The redhead smirked when the other body ground into him and the hand in his pants gave a squeeze. Fuck going to school today, _this was so much better..._

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"Goddamn that kid." Zack cursed under his breath as he tried Reno's cell phone for the third time.

"Hey Cloud, lay on the doorbell and wake his ass up."

"With pleasure." Cloud pressed his thumb to the doorbell repeatedly and smiled with grim satisfaction as a loud, **_"WHAT THE FUCK?!"_** resonated from an open window. He and Zack waved with mock cheerfulness at the vexed individual that appeared at a window on the second story, angrily running a hand through shaggy red tresses.

"Fucking _bastards_. The both of you." Was this morning's choice of greeting.

"Good morning to you too, Beautiful!" Zack called back with a grin, "I'm here to do your mother a favor and drag your ass to school, let's go! Chop chop!" A few minutes later, a still obviously wound up Reno, walked out the front door with his backpack thrown over one shoulder. Cloud eyed the redhead's attire with a raised eyebrow, at least he looked somewhat presentable. Jeans and a white tank under a black button-up that was, of course, _not _buttoned up. Reno adjusted the goggles amidst the unruly red hair and smirked at the two in front of him.

"Hold on a sec, guys." He then turned to address someone in the house.

"Yo, help yourself to whatever's in the kitchen but wash any dishes you use. I'll be back at three", he gave a sly grin, "And I _guarantee _no interruptions this time, Baby." With a quick wink, he closed the door behind him and laughed at the disapproving glares that met him.

"That's how it _is_, yo."

---------------------------------------------

"Alright kiddies, get outta my car." Cloud and Reno had exited the vehicle and were almost at the gate when Zack yelled out to them.

"Be good and I'll see you guys at lunch!"

"Yes Mom!" Reno called back and flipped off the older guy.

"Thanks for killin' my morning." He directed at Cloud.

"All in a day's work." The blonde countered with a slight smirk.

"Well, let's do this. I gotta get _home, yo._" Cloud just rolled his eyes.

--------------------------------------------

Cloud's first period was not for the faint of heart for one reason, the teacher. A Mr. Cid Highwind who ruled his Computer Drafting class with an iron fist. Cloud had just sat down at his computer as the bell rang.

"Late again, Strife."

"What?! _C'mon, Highwind!_" The teacher had come up from behind Cloud's chair to stare down at his favorite student to pick on, an evil smirk on his face.

"The damn syllabus says you gotta be in your seat and ready to start class when the bell rings. Are you ready to start class, Strife? I don't see your computer on, I don't see any programs running, I don't see-"

"I got it! _Cheese and crackers._"

"Just turn your damn computer on, Strife, and pipe down."

"Yes, _Sir_." Cloud replied through gritted teeth. The rest of the class time passed by agonizingly slow. Mr. Highwind, as was the norm, lurked behind Cloud and pointed out all the things the student was doing wrong, but not offering any help on how to fix them. About half way through class, a distraction from Cid's Cloud Criticizing came in the form of the long haired and slightly effeminate looking Assistant Librarian, Vincent Valentine.

"Mr. Highwind, he began as he walked into the computer lab, I need the list of students who will be checking out the new program manuals again. Mr. Rhapsodos deleted the last two you e-mailed him."

"Alright, hold on a sec." Cid walked to his desk computer and quickly printed out the list but when he held it out to Vincent, he snatched it back before the Assistant Librarian could grasp it.

"Walk with me Vinnie." He threw an arm around the other man's shoulders and all but dragged him out the door.

"I'm gonna step out for a bit, Brats. There had better be some progress when I get back or I'm gonna send all your asses to In-School Suspension so fast, your heads'll spin." Closing the door behind him, Cid moved him and Vincent further down the empty hall and away from the little rectangular window in the door.

"Cid, I have to get back to the libr-" Cid cut him off by pushing Vincent against the wall and mashing their mouths together. Vincent opened for him instantly and gave a soft moan as Cid's tongue met his own. His breath hitched when the blonde bit his lip hard and ground against him simultaneously. A hand Vincent hadn't noticed before, roughly cupped him between his legs and Cid s tongue helped itself to Vincent's open and panting mouth. The Assistant Librarian shuddered as the Drafting teacher reached into his pants.

"I should probably let you get back to the library now, Vince." The blonde smirked as he pulled away. Vincent was disoriented but still cognate enough to frown at the loss of contact as he straightened up and readjusted his clothing. As he fixed his pants he felt something crinkle against his skin. Reaching into his pants, he pulled out the folded list of names.

_"You put the list down my pants."_ It was more a statement than a question. Cid chuckled and reached around to grab Vincent's ass. The Assistant Librarian swatted away the hand and did something he only ever did around Cid. He pouted. Again Cid chuckled.

"Yep. But really, we got get back to work, Babe."

"Alright then, _Babe_. I'm going back to the library." Cid's grin widened and as Vincent turned to walk away, he closed the space between them and smacked Vincent's ass. The Assistant Librarian turned to glare back at his assaulter but Cid had already walked back to his classroom and opened the door to get back inside. With a huff, Vincent turned on his heel and made his way to the library.

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_**Vincent**: Did that honestly just happen?  
**Cloud**: Yes, it did.  
**Zack**: _*snickering at Vincent*_ Sucks to be you.  
**Angeal**: Don't get too comfortable, Zack, it's all going down the proverbial hill now._

_Well, be honest, folks. ^__^_


	2. Chapter 2

_K, so I wasn't going to upldate until tomorrow, but I just love this story so much! Lol. Reno is fun to write no matter what, but my Sleazy!Reno is by far my favorite._

_**Sleazy!Reno:** *grinning widely* I'm everybody's favorite, yo.  
_

_**NotEmo!Cloud:** *facepalm*_

_So, yeah, in the spirit of the Mega-Update, here's chapter two!_

_**Genesis:** Oh goody! I'm in this chapter!  
_

_**Sephiroth:** I demand the right to be exempt from this-  
_

_**Me:** Oh hush, I'm in charge right now!  
_

_**Zack:** Wow, Seph, you got TOLD._

_I OWN NOTHING _

_--------------------------------------------------_

**Like We Need This Dysfunction Chapter 2 - ****"T-tutoring? With you, Mr. Nova?"**

"You had better not lose this list, Mr. Rhapsodos." Vincent shoved the list into the Librarian's hands. _"After what I had to go through to get it..."_ He grumbled quietly, more to himself.

"Thank you so very much, Vincent! If I wasn't afraid of getting a broken nose or horribly maimed, I would kiss you." Vincent rolled his eyes and wandered off to re-shelve some reference books. The Librarian, a Genesis Rhapsodos, smirked at his assistant's back and returned to the checkout desk to check his e-mail. Sure enough, the inbox showed one new message.

_Well those tips did the trick. Thanks a bunch, ya fairy! - Cid_

Genesis laughed softly to himself as he opened a new window and began to type out the next bit of advice to the Computer Drafting teacher. One step closer to getting his poor, uptight little assistant laid. Vincent would thank him later, the plotting with Cid really was for his own good.

"_Sooo,_ Vincent. Any, uh, problems when you went to get the new list?" Genesis looked over the computer screen to where his assistant was immersed in re-shelving. Vincent almost dropped the book in his hand._ 'Why is he asking that?'_ He thought, panic settling in his stomach. _'Calm down, Valentine._ _You are being paranoid._ _He knows nothing about you and Highwind.'_

"Problems?" His voice lacked any and all emotion causing Genesis to smirk behind his computer. This was Vincent's usual, and sorry, attempt to act as if everything was completely normal. Show no emotion.

"No. None at all." Vincent glared as the Librarian snorted and attempted to hide his giggles behind his desktop. _'Why do I work for this man again?'_ The assistant thought as he sighed deeply and returned to his interrupted task.

-----------------------------------------

The young man huffed as his friend rolled her eyes.

"Aerith! I'm being serious here, my hair-"

"Is perfectly fine, Cloud. All this unnecessary stress is not at all healthy. Its just second period English 12-"

_"With Mr. Too-Hot-To-Be-A-Teacher Nova!"_ Aerith laughed at her enamored friend.

"He would probably give you In-School Suspension for a month if he knew you called him that."

"That's fine with me, he's the teacher in charge of ISS. I wouldn't mind having to look at him for an entire month-"

"_Okay_, and I think you're missing the point." Aerith said with a giggle. Ever since she could remember, she and Cloud had been best friends. She was there to hug him when he cried after falling off the jungle gym when the were five and he held her hand when they were nine and Aerith was getting her ears pierced. At age twelve, when Cloud's father died of a brain aneurism, she was there to hold him in the waiting room of the hospital. Cloud was there for Aerith's first heartbreak over a boy in Junior High and the two of them walked down aisle together at their graduation. The childhood friends started high school together and even planned to both attend Midgar State when they graduated at the end of the year.

Despite being pseudo siblings, Aerith sometimes found herself wishing Cloud was straight. Now, don't judge her too quickly, she was perfectly okay with his orientation. She was just tired of his endless talking about their English 12 teacher, Mr. Sephiroth Nova. The poor boy had it bad and poor _Aerith _had to hear all about it... all the way to class... every single day. Aerith sighed a bit in relief when they finally reached their English class.

"-I mean, what does he do to get it like that? Every time he turns to write on the whiteboard, I just want to lean forward and run my hands through his hair-"

"Do I need to remove you from the front row in order to eliminate that temptation, Mr. Strife?" Cloud nearly ran into the door frame of the classroom. Walking up behind him and Aerith was Mr. Nova. Aerith failed miserably to stifle the giggles caused by Cloud's face. The senior's already big, blue eyes grew abnormally large and his face was unsure if it could get any redder or if it could retain any color at all. It was changing colors and shades faster than an octopus. Mr. Nova eyed his poor student with a slight smirk.

"Now, Mr. Strife, I am going to walk past you into the classroom. Do you think you'll be able to keep your hands out of my hair and to yourself, or would you like to go first?" Cloud's face decided on the same shade as a tomato.

"N-no, I can k-keep my hands to m-myself, sir. G-go ahead." And with a soft chuckle to himself, Sephiroth entered his classroom followed by Aerith and a mortified Cloud. The blond teenager headed straight to his desk at the end of the front row and practically fell into it. Aerith took her seat on his left and quickly reached over to place her hand, palm up, between the desk and Cloud's forehead as he attempted to repeatedly slam it into the artificial wood. The blond gave up and slouched back in his seat; his face still flushed.

"Hey Aerith? How much do you think it would cost me to leave the country? I hear Wutai is nice this time of year." The girl shook her head.

"Oh c'mon, he was just poking a little fun at you, Cloud. It's not like anyone else heard-"

"So Cloud, I hear you have a hair fetish." Aerith mentally facepalmed as Reno walked up to seat himself on Cloud's desk.

"Hands fisted in long silky hair get you off, Strife?" Cloud sank even lower in his seat.

"What are you doing here, Reno? You're desk is on the other side of the classroom." Cloud mumbled crossly.

"I heard you and Mr. Nova talking from inside." He answered with a wide grin. The redhead leaned forward across the desk, his face less than a foot away from the blond's.

"You're hot for Nova aren't you, Strife?" Said teen's face went back to it's rapid color changing and Reno continued, "Hell, who_ isn't_?! I'd let him fuck me-" Cloud's reaction was instantaneous. Reno let out several colorful expletives as he hit the floor hard.

"Mr. Strife, might I ask why you pushed Mr. Saunders off the desk?" Aerith sensed Cloud's rising panic.

"Reno provoked him first, Mr. Nova. He-"

"No need to explain, Ms. Gainsborough. I'll leave that to the two of them when they meet me after school in room B2-14. Mr. Saunders, please return to your seat."

"Yeah sure thing, Nova." As soon as the redhead was out of earshot, Mr. Nova turned to address the other young man.

"And I think, Mr. Strife, it would be best if you moved to the empty desk in the back." Cloud turned to look behind him; the only empty seat, was right next to the teacher's desk. _'Could this day get any worse?'_ He thought.

Sure enough, as soon as he finished giving he lesson and assigning the classwork, Sephiroth made his way to Cloud's desk.

"Are you all right back here, Cloud?" The blond was content to stare at his textbook as he answered.

"Yes, sir." He completely missed the smirk on Sephiroth's face.

"Are you sure? I think your latest test would disagree. You failed it if I remember correctly." Cloud's face flushed anew as he burned holes in the book before him.

"As a matter of fact, your entire grade has been slipping. It reflects badly on me if you or any other student fails my class, Cloud-" the teenager tensed up immediately as he felt long, cool fingers make there way through his spikes once and come to rest on his shoulder, "-and I believe a failing grade in a core class also keeps you from graduation." Cloud hadn't heard any of what the older man had said. His brain wasn't really registering anything beyond, _'Oh Gaia, he's touching me!'_.

Now before we continue with young Cloud and his predicament, there are some things you should all know about Sephiroth. Basically, he knew what he wanted in life was damn good at getting it; his relationship with Cloud was a prime example. At the moment, all he wanted was to hoist the boy up from his seat, bend him over the teacher's desk, and have his way with him. Well, as we all know, this just wasn't possible at the moment. Ever since the first day of the school year when Cloud had walked into his classroom, Sephiroth had wanted him. The teenager plagued his thoughts day after day and would not let up. He decided to take the student for himself and knew it would be easy, Cloud was completely entranced by him. Being the calculating man he was, Sephiroth had planned this meeting weeks before finally making his move. Step 1: get Cloud alone.

"Seeing as you're on a downward path, I would like to offer you an opportunity to improve your grade. What would you say to tutoring sessions with me in the library?" The blond almost choked on air.

"T-tutoring? With you, Mr. Nova?"

"Yes. Starting today, right after school until 3:45. I expect to see you there. Don't disappoint me, Strife, you do want to pass this class I am sure." And with that, Sephiroth turned on his heal and left Cloud to deal with his panic alone.

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_Alright, I know this chapter is super short (well to me it is), but I couldn't find a better place to stop without making this the length of two chapters and making you all wait way longer for an update._

_**Sleazy!Reno:** * poutting slightly* I got pushed off a desk! Now my ass hurts... and not in a good way!  
_

_**NotEmo!Cloud:** Like an octopus? WTF?  
_

_**Genesis:** *Still typing away to Cid*_

**_Vincent is MIA_**

_**Sephiroth:** *sharpening Masamune in front of me*_

_Eh heh heh... so, I like to write Cloud as a combination of CC Cloud and FFVII game Cloud, making him an awkward, slightly cocky, happy Cloud. My Sephiroth is... well a bit more FFVII:AC than I'd like, but oh well, he fits. I've also noticed my Vincent is kinda weird, I have to work on him more. As usual, I write unbettaed so please report any typos and things like that. I need a Beta :( A HUGE thank you to everyone who has already added this story to their favorites and alerts! ^__^ Reviews make me type faster!_

_MVSB_


	3. IMPORTANT NOTE :D

WELL HELLO READERS. It's me, Hidden Village Shinobi, Mist Village Babe, etc. I got tired of having so many different internet aliases that I changed this one to my main name, ElvenArcher309. TECHNICALLY it's ElvenArcher, but that was already taken ;^;

ANYWAYS, LONG TIME NO SEE. I AM NOT DEAD, well I kinda was, BUT NOT ANYMORE. I'm writing again :D Expect new chapters for this story and a few others sometime this month. I AM ALSO WRITING NEW STUFF! WITH NEW AND OLD FANDOMS!I will warn you now, I am deleting a story or two. They are old, badly written, and I have just lost interest. ALTHOUGH, I will be deleting others for a different reason, I am doing MASSIVE re-writes and I cannot allow the old plot to still be visible XD

I'm sure you're wondering, "OMG WHICH ONES? D:" Well do not fret! I made a list :D Here it is:

UPDATING/ FIXING UP:

12 Angry Nobodies

Bleed 'Em All

Crazy Together

Like We Need This Dysfunction

Mindless

The Time To Bloom

We Found Ourselves Here

DELETING FOR GOOD:

Based On Real Events (lost interest)

Betrayal Of That Sacred Trust (lost interest)

DELETING FOR RE-WRITE:

The Earth and Sky (MAJOR PLOT CHANGES)

Between Two Kunoichi (Deleting the OC and putting in... a secret)


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